So Goodbye 2010..
Holy crap it's all coming to an end. This year has been so complicated and dramatic and superficial. It's been filled with struggle and failure. Tragedies shook our world, like the Haiti earthquake. Politics grasped the attention of all Americans as the health care laws fell into place. Drama filled our hallways at middle school, and life became filled with twists and turns. My life has in one year, completely flipped and if I had seen into the future one year ago, and seen how I am now, I would've assumed it was a mistake. It's scary but, I look forward to a new year. I am excited to put my past mistakes behind me, and start fresh. It means a lot to me to know, a new year brings forgiveness. Happy New Year to all! I'll talk to you next year! :D

I'm off to see the Wizard; the wonderful Wizard of Orz...

I talked to a wise friend of mine today who said something that really stuck with me, "time eventually works everything out, so if you've got something to tell someone, do it now, so that there is plenty of time for the reaction, good or bad, to heal." It stuck to me I guess because, it makes sense. Never avoid the decisions that come your way. Don't turn a blind eye to them. Face it as soon as you can. Things all smooth out at some point in our lives, thanks to time, so allowing time to do what it is meant for, is all you really can do because, in the end, who wants to live a life full of missed chances?

I forget sometimes how lucky I am to have grow up with the people I did. They taught me how to look out at the world with a positive attitude and how to succeed. I grew up with amazing women to be there for me, and help me mature into a fantastic woman someday. I'm with two of the girls that have been a part of my life literally since the day I was born, and it's the first time in forever I have been. I am forever glad that these girls are a part of my life because they are fantastic. I love them and never forget that you should love the people that shaped you into who you are

Snow makes me think..

So I am snowed in at my house; and I have nothing to do, so I decided to just sort of write. Lately I have been going through a lot of heavy decisions in my mind. I am looking at my life, as we enter a new year and I am just sick of myself. I have changed so much from who I was. I can't even get over it. Somedays it makes me just want to yell. I am ready to start over, I am going to make a better life of the one I have. Honestly, I've never smoked or done drugs, I am still a virigin(never even kissed anyone), and all that stuff. I am just a bad person..I got so caught up in materialistic life and being at the top of the food chain. Not anymore. I am going to remind myself starting this year, how you can be happy without all of the things I thought you needed. I don't need to look gorgeous all the time. I don't need approval every day. I don't need people to laugh at my jokes, think I'm cool, or want to be around me anymore. Because, at the end of the day, those people, even the ones that love me, can leave me at any second, and I can leave them. So why should I try to impress people who will eventually fade from my life..? I don't see the point anymore. Now, that doesn't mean I am not going to try to always look nice, and have people like me. I am not going to just all the sudden remove myself from the life I know now. I have great friends, that I can't find anywhere else, and I am very thankful for them but, I need to make changes in my life, and if distancing myself from them is what does it, then so be it. I need time to myself, I need to be able to reflect on my life, and see where I can improve, and if they don't approve, so be it. I need like an Eat Pray Love adventure. I need to live a different life. I still have my ambitions but, I should not be okay with not doing as well as I can, or being the best me. I am going to start to live my faith, and see how that goes. It's a day to day thing. I say I do not believe in God but honestly, I think that I say it just because I want to stand apart. And because it's what my mom believes and I want to have as much in common with her as possible. And, whoever out there that's reading this, and knows me, and has an opinion do me a favor. Keep it to yourself. This is my personal goal. No I am not unstable, or crazy. I need to change, and whether you agree or not I honestly don't care. I'm not talking directly to anyone, I just know that my friends read this sometimes, so if you ever come across this..I just think we are all so far off from who we were. I am not going to sit back however, and let the middle school monster consume me. I am not going to appear any different but, at 12:00 am on January 1st, 2011, I am going to begin the battle, the battle to be better than this.

Let it be.

I’m leaning against the wall because I’m desperate for support.
Theres no where; no one for me to run to anymore.
The rooms getting smaller.
I can see it all spin.
I’m gonna throw up.
Someone get me the trash bin.
My nerves are getting to me.
I can see the end, so let me be.
Feeling this all on my own.
Living this life, seeing it alone.
It’s got me terrified but, I gotta keep pushing.
Because, at the end I’ll be able to sing.
It’ll be light and God will let me free.
So while the walls are closing in; let me be.

I do not deserve to be your friend.
I do not deserve to be proud of you.
I do not deserve to wish you mine.

sdgwth

so get a little silly; be a lotta loud. Never forget who you are; and never forget to be proud. Because, some day, someone, will appreciate what you do. And will cherish your silly because, it belongs to you. Stand up tall, keep your head held high. Go so far you compete with the sky. Cry a little bit, throw a pointless fit, and never forget that somewhere someday, somebody will love you anyway.

I don't how to handle this; there's no book for dummies on this one

You make no sense because well, I don't know how to deal with you. I don't know if you flirt or if you talk. I don't know how to flirt, and keep it all secret. I could talk to you for hours, and it's so easy, but, your not the kind of boy that I sit and cry over. Because, your innocent, and you don't know how to hurt so, I have nothing to cry over. But, you are the kind of boy that I can sit around and smile about. Just thinking about you makes me bubbly, and happy. I never used to giggle, and all the sudden I do. I have to keep it all a secret and I've picked the right people this time. I just don't know how I am going to deal with it when you tell me you don't like me. I don't even think you realize it when you flirt. Or when I flirt. It's hard working around innocence. But, you, are so honest and open with me, and there's a trust I have with you that I don't have with anyone else. I can literally tell you anything, and you can laugh with me or cry with me, and I know not a soul will ever know. You're different too. You're more to yourself, and not a party kid. I think that could be exactly what I need. Someone who would really be up for just hanging out, watching a movie, not someone who needs to always be moving and spending money. I think you could be what saves me from the superficial, and judging life I live now. You take me for who I am. I don't have to be anything I'm not. I don't have to pretend or act like someone I am not. I can never thank you enough for that actually. I probably feel so happy because, I can just be me and be weird and silly. I never thought I would like someone like you, but, now that I am, I'm so glad I do.

My pulse gets faster
My skin heats up
My eyes smile wide
My hands shake
My feet dance inside my shoes
My stomach auditions for the circus; flipping everywhere
My mind zooms, at 1,000 miles
My blood starts it's race, and I can feel it running
My emotions all laugh, no matter how mad they are

And all you did
Was smile

I hope everyone has a very merry and safe holiday! I'm working on a few poems and I am excited to start them after the holidays! I am also going to try something cool! I, as part of my 2011 resolution am going to get into the habit of blogging everyday for atleast a month and at the most a year. I hope everyone that sees this will join me as the new year comes up, and try, to live in my life and my experiences as I share them with you. Safe driving everyone. <3 May happiness be with you and your families

I'm sick.
And it sucks.
Because all I do.
Is sneeze.
And snore.
Then sneeze some more.
Hopefully I'll be better.
Before the holidays arrive.
So bad it would be.
To wave a "healthy" new year.
Goodbye.

I'm at the library and my friends don't really know how to just shut up and mind their business and not distract other people. It's really obnoxious and loud and I feel bad for people who are actually trying to get their work done. It makes me really embarrassed because I hate drawing attention to myself, or a group when it's not something serious or like good. Am I the only one?

A little bit of lovesickness..

"if love is a gamble, I'm gonna suck in Vegas."

"I gotta pretend that this is what I wanna do; I gotta pretend that when I walk out that door, that I don't love you anymore."

"you say I'm too young to know love? Clearly, your too old to understand."

"Look at the stars, 
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow." 

"The saddest love, is the love, that makes you let go, of the one you desire."

"When you truly love someone; you will find the strength and the courage to let them be happy with someone else, but, that love will not stop the hurt that comes after the courage and strength fades."

Criminal Minds is screwing me over..

I hope everyone is having a very merry holiday season so far! I had no idea there were so many different holidays going on. I was really only aware of Christmas, Kwanza, and Hanukah! There are so many others, and I guess I forgot that the rest of the world has their holidays too! Oh, me and my american tunnel vision. So my story for the day! I'm sure not many of you know this but, I am libra. I looked up qualities of libras' because I had been watching a criminal minds..long story short I googled it. One of the qualities was "narcissistic." I, being a teenager, was like huh? haha, so I looked that up, and saw that it was "extreme inflammation of self-worth."! I was like "what!?". So, the whole day, I was extremely concerned about presenting myself that way. So I ask, anyone who knows me, make sure you tell me if I get like that. (: haha, sorry I know it's been a couple days, I've been busy!

/:

My day basically fell apart 2 hours after that long post about being sick..I'm now questioning my luck..

SONNY AND CHAD on Sonny with a Chance ftw. (: I wanna Chad <3

I'm sick; of mucus and drama.

Ugh, I hate being sick; so much. This is the worst kind of sick too, it's not physically it's all in my head. I am so congested and UGH. I have nothing to do today either, and I am so far behind on my schoolwork. I've had a lot of time to think about though. I'm actually pretty sure I want to leave public school. I hate the drama, so so so so so much! It's way too much work, day to day. There was a girl, who had been going through a lot with this boy she liked, and he got a girlfriend. Now, I had been in the same situation before, so I gave her advice and helped her through it. She walked up to me the other day, and said to me, "I would have never assumed it can hurt so much, you go through so much more than you let on." I guess it had never really occurred to me that I am more emotionally inclined than I let on. I never cry, so people never see me weak. I write, and that's my weakness. I just guess that yesterday when I was sitting in homeroom, with my IPod on, and I randomly teared up at the thought of someone, I think it hit me. I may not show it, but, the drama is wearing me down. I am so close to falling. Like I'm on the spot on the cliff thats too close to the edge, do you know what I'm talking about? Probably not, my thoughts are all over the place right now.  The point is, is that my emotions are being toyed with, and I don't know how much longer it will be until I fall apart..

off the top of my head..

I'm sick and I hate being sick.
I'm broken and hate being broken.
I'm flushed and I wanna be even.
I'm dry eyed but, I was crying.
I'm on the computer and I hate it.
I'm thinking of you and hate thinking of you.
I'm done and I wish I could honestly say I was through.

I just thought I would put this on record..

 I HATE THE COLD. I WANT FLORIDA WEATHER.

Editing

I don't have much to say right now, but, I have been doing a lot of work on my blog! I have been trying to make it a little more eye catching and appealing. I want my blog to mature as I do, and lately I've been forced to do a lot of maturing. I want everyone who reads this page to understand me and feel as I do. I want everyone to see things my way. That's the goal at least. When I was little, I used to hope that someday people could go into my room after I died, and find a hundred journals containing my life. Then, the internet was given to me, and it allows me to make a permanent mark on our world, and express myself, so that no matter how many years it may be until I die, people can go back and see everything. I added a few pages to my blog, and one of them has a bunch of pictures from 2010. Those pictures make up my life, and describe exactly who I am, I hope that over time, that list of pictures grows, just like me.
        The other thing I wanted to talk about was letting go. "Only the strong know when to let go" I don't know who said it but, it's been told to me my entire life. But, how are we supposed to know when the right time is? I am weak I guess because, letting go is impossible for me because, I never know when to let go. It's a hard concept, am I right? To imagine letting something you hold dear to you, fade out of your life. But, is it the right thing to do? Is it the honorable thing to do? I learned one day that if you truly love someone you will let them go be happy. But, they say you are also supposed to love yourself so, how can you do that, and let something that makes you happy go? I don't know I have a major headache right now! Setting up for the holidays. (:

I didn't make a promise yesterday because, I didn't know what I wanted quite then but, I do know now. I promise to get better at keeping my mouth shut.

Promise 3

I promise today to never compromise my beliefs for popularity or acceptance. To never strive to be someone I am not, to feel wanted. To never look at my life, and wish I was any different, any less of who I am or what I think. I promise to never stop challenging the system.

I promise today to never forget who I am.

Promise 2

I promise myself today, to feel emotion.

I speak the Truth; In hopes that others learn the language

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength." -Ralph W. Sockman 

A Promise A Day

I sometimes thank God, even though I am not quite sure I believe in him. Other times I damn Satan for doing the things he does. I am all over the place sometimes, and it requires a lot of thought. I have been thinking. I am done with wasting my life, on “love” whatever the hell that is. I am done worrying about facebook, or how much better looking I think someone is. I am over the superficial aspects of my life. I am aiming high, I have big dreams, and it requires a lot. That is what I am aiming for, and I am finished with my past. Today I begin studying, today, I begin working towards my goal. I am promising myself to be done with it all, with 8th grade, and begin striving for new things, better things, things that will ultimately keep me sane, and help me some day in the future. 


I am going to try my best to everyday post a promise I make. I hope you enjoy them! 

Christmas Shopping

I am so excited for Christmas! I honestly cannot wait for it, for December. I love the holidays, not necessarily because of the presents(although I do love those too) it's because of the mood it puts everyone in. It seems that there is less fighting, less tension between people, and more peace(?). I just like how the snow falls, and how everyone gets excited. How happy my family becomes. Christmas shopping always gets me excited because I love to imagine that Christmas is less than a month away now. Hallelujah! Haha, and for the people reading this, that celebrate Hannuka or Kwanza, I hope you get just as excited for the holiday season as I do, haha. My mom just got an IPad as an early graduation present, thats a few months late haha. She loves it, so anyone looking for one great present, go for the IPad. (: well, I hope your black friday was as fun as mine! Hahah!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! And to those of you that don't celebrate it, happy day!(:

Out of all of the silences
And "oh what to do"'s
I wish I just took one of them
And kissed you
Would you have kissed back?
You told me once so
But I question your reliability
Because you also said
You'd lie to make someone feel better
You have lied to me I believe
But when I was leaving
And you swept me up
Had me on the ground
I hoped you might have kissed me
It seemed good enough
But maybe I have seen this wrong
And are interpretating the signals wrong
And am imagining it in my head
But I will forever wish I didn't
Have to wonder
I wish it couldve just been that way
But I guess I won't know
Until we meet again
And I will make sure
That next silence
I will fill it with a kiss

a photo shoot kind of day!

so I decided, I would splurge for myself, take the time to do my makeup and hair, and take a few pretty pictures. (:

Snow White- Remixxx

a gorgeous girl
put to sleep by a pretty apple
as red as her lips
and as hard as her stare
she wasn't one to deserve it
and was hated for being so perfect
because the mirror mirror on the wall
said she was fairest of them all
and the ugliest grew jealous
and almost cut her story too short
until a prince came to save her
a kiss upon her perfect lips
brought her up from her rest
had her moving
and singing once again
your smile is like that to me
your smile brings me back to life
and that perfect kiss you gave me
still lingers on my lips
whether you loved me or not
you kissed me and you meant it

Gamblers Unite!

Love is a lot like gambling. Some people put all of their money on the table, and others are more reserved. It's a game of strategy, if you want to win, you have to keep your poker face on until you know the game is yours. Some come rich, and feel no pain in dishing it out. Others come poor, broken and stolen from, and feel nervous giving money but, have secret hopes that one day they will score a million, and a heart. Love is like a big casino; and baby, I'm addicted. Don't get like me though, because, I'm running out, and soon I will be poor with no more money to spend, no more heart to give. Pretty soon I will be dry, and I will be alone, unless I find a man, who is a fountain of love.

Just something I wrote in resource study hall. (:

Justin Bieber.

Okay, girls, we need to have a chat. Look, Justin's cute but, not incredbile? He's no God haha. Okay, so the back story behind this is basically that, I was on twitter (being a twitter-er) and I was lurking Justin Bieber and who he follows. Every single girl on there (mostly) was like, "OH MY GOD I LOVE JUSTIN HE FOLLOWED ME AT 11:56:04 ON 10/9/10! AHHHHHHHH WE LOVE YOU.<3". That basically sums it all up, so I cleverly tweeted back (tagging him of course) pointing out that, I only follow him because I have been secretly waiting for the day he tweets, "I hit puberty."! How great would that be? So yeah, that's my back story! But, I seriously don't get it! Being obsessed with him on twitter is just weird. Being obsessed with anyone on any type of social networking site is weird.. sorry girls. Kayla, I know your all RPatz but, no worries, it's different, Justin Bieber, makes everything different.(: Have fun you crazy fan girls but remember, "following him on twitter will not secure your spot as his wife."

Behavior Analysis Unit

I was watching Criminal Minds the other day with my mom, and honest to God I love this show. It makes my day. The ideas and how they solve things are so out of the box, and creative. I really have spend a lot of time wiking about the behavior analysis unit, and it's actually a pretty interesting job. I was never one to want to be a cop, but, things like the mind I could actually see myself doing. Just thought I'd share! What do you want to be when you grow up?

I know, I haven't posted in a few weeks! Shame on me! I have been so busy with school work, and prep for Halloween that I have hardly had anytime at all to even touch my computer! Nothing is super new for me, it was Halloween yesterday which is always exciting, I went as a cat with 7 other girls! It was so much fun, and although, it's cold now, it was an enjoyable night! I have just had an all together good night. I got a new laptop cover for my macbook in a deep purple! I was so excited, it makes my computer just so much more personal and my own. I'm big on personalizing stuff because, I feel like if it's yours you should make it your own! But, anyway I hope everyone had a great halloween(: see you all soon!

I'm 14! :D haha finally! (: shopping this weekend! Life's pretty good not much to say today!

Birthdayyyyyy!

It's my birthday tomorrow! :D I am so excited! I can't get over the fact that I am actually lucky enough to even have another birthday (after my accident and all..). I am just going to live it up to the best of my abilities! Fun fact about my birthday- Zach Effron and Ne-Yo were both born on my birthday! For those of you who don't know who they are, they are very famous actors(Effron) and Musicians(Ne-Yo)! October is also National(American) LGBT month! (: See you guys soon! Happy Birthday to anyone else who was born on this spectacular day!

Young love sucks. Nothig makes sense, dramas always circulating around it, and rumors can destroy relationships. I lost one of my closest friends recently over a guy. And you know what? He wasn't, isnt, and never will be worth the girl I lost. Claire, if you're reading this then, I am genuinely sorry if I ever hurt you. I love you like a sister, and a boy isn't worth what we are. Now Claire if you read this and say hell naw then, I guess our friendship didn't mean as much to you as it did to me. No boy is worth this. We're young we need to be out living life, not wasting time with stupid things like this. Okay guys the massage is, to never let the little thing come between you and the people you Iove because when all hell breaks loose, those people are gonna be the only ones left. I know from experience that you should always put those people first. Young love doesn't even really matter. You're not gonna marry them it's just a time filled with false feelings. Love and lust are two very different things, and I think at this age, we get them mixed up.

I feel lucky somedays. When I realize how privileged I was growing up and how so many people even in my higher middle class small town, aren't as lucky as me. I have a very close relationship with both of my parents, I always had money to do things, and I had a generally kick ass childhood. Now I'm not trying to brag, I just guess it never really hit me that I truely had a very privileged childhood and I still do have a lot of opportunity that I took for granted. If you are reading this right now please go tell whoever takes carrot you that you love them very much because life isn't always good, and people are sometimes born into the worst life. People like me need to be more greatful, especially people who may not have a trillion dollars but, who have a lot of love and people who only want to help you grow because, as every Disney movie teaches us, love is worth more than money and money can't buy the kind of love and support you get from your parents or whoever it is that takes care of you. That kind of love is unmatchable in worth.

I hate boys. I hate how at a young age no one understands that no matter how young we may be, we can be hurt, we are sensitive people! Teenagers don't get how to handle each other, and there is so much drama circulating every little thing that happens. It's like being on television, everyone knows about what goes on in your life, and everyone has an opinion. I wish I could just find someone who liked me for me, and not my body. Is it really that hard to crush on someone's soul and not their physical features? I just don't get why I feel like sometimes I'm the only one that feels that way. It sucks pretty bad, people just really need to grow up. /:

What I learned at CCD today, actually kind of makes sense.

Loving someone isn't about what you get but, what you give. It's about making sure that your doing what's best for them, even if what's best for them is letting them go. Loving someone is about helping them succeed, and helping them grow. Love is more than a kiss, or a smile, it's about knowing in your heart that all you want to do is help them. Love is mutual though, never lose sight of that, love is a shared emotion. So make sure, that while your putting them first, that they are putting you first, and in the end, you're both better off. So while you're out there looking for love, make sure to remember, it's not just physical attraction, it's this constant feeling that no matter where you are in the world or what you're doing that you want to be the support for your other. <3

Moneeeeey! Today's world is so expensive, how is a 14 year old girl supposed to pay for all of the things she needs? I need a winter wardrobe, to get everything I wanted, that would put me out almost $600.00! I also need to pay for a summer camp that is about 8,000.00! Then again, I am going from America to Australia..but, the point is candy, in a spand of 50 years has gone from .5 cents to $5.00! Money is just impossible and considering I am only 14, and can hardly get a job other than occasional babysitting, it basically, screws me over. I can't pay for anything I want, and in these twisted times, money is slim and things just aren't like they were 7 or 8 years ago, I'll tell you that much. I hope this gets you thinking about these tough economic times.

I'm at my grandmothers house today. And she has a few cats. Now her cats used to be mine originally because my family went through a few years where we found a lot of stray cats in our old neighborhood. So anyway the cats all know me and we get along but, theres been a change from the last time I was here to visit. I'm sneezing. A lot. But Im not actually allergic to anything! Like o. My medical records next to the phrase; "known allergies" there's a big fat zero. So why am I sneezing?! But anyway, I got thinking about it and I was curious as to how allergies develop because I most certainly wasnt born with this suspected allergy! So hypothetically what happens in say five hundred years people start to develop an allergy to air or water?! Just a random thought haha enjoy your day! And if anyone has an answer to anything I asked, comment and I hope if you like a random collection of blogging then please follow me :D

Potter Puppet Pals: Draco Puppet

LONNNNG WEEK

yeah, so idk, if my last post actually went through, because I did it through my IPhone but, last Wednsday (9/8/10) I was hit by a mini SUV. I was then helicoptered to CHOP (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia) and taken care of. I've spent everyday home, and it's driving me NUTS. I hate not being able to do anything! I'm confined to my house, which is really bad because I love people and love being out doing things. So, here's what I want you to take away from this. Look both ways before you cross the street, and make sure you stay careful!

The past few days have been a little wild. For instance, I was hit by a car and helicoptered to a hospital. It was just about the scariest thing ever. So, here's the lesson look both ways before you cross the street and always cross on crosswalks!

Jeez I am slackin in the updates department! Let's see well I just recently started school and got an iPhone!(: uhm so I started an advanced social studies class and I am totally blown away at how fasinating it is. So the curriculum this year is American history? Yay? Ahaha so basically it's everything from 1942 to post civil war. I went home last night and had to read 33 pages of intense reading on how basically every American textbook is very bias and often tends to make things seem more perfect than they are. Columbus, if you have ever seen a painting of him it is a fake no one actually knows what he looked like! I was shocked to know that our textbooks also completely ignore the fact that Africans were the first people to actually to comeover to Mexico! And there is significant proof! Our books, in some cases they describe people like the egyptians as too stupid to build a boat! When there is also belief that they too Had traveled to the Americas long before Columbus! I was astounded about how biased my educational system was! How my mind wasn't being molded into someone who was completely aware of the past but someone who's mind had been shaped On a falsehood of perfect American heroes. In all honesty I was embarrassed that I had been so proud that Colombis founded America until I learned what he did to get his spit in the history books. Google it for more information! Well I'm gonna go sleep goodnight!

SCHOOL.

bought school supplies super excited :D haha, I am so weird about stuff like this (:

Opinions are the equal to poison

Opinions.

In today's world, people have a lot of opinion. The internet provides plenty of space to share our thoughts, with things like blogs and youtube videos. often times though, at a young age, when people post these types of things, teenagers are scrutinized and laughed at. A boy may laugh at another boy for posting a video, a video in which the boy worked so hard on and was really proud of. A girl may see someone's facebook status and tell all of her friends how dumb it is. This is a cruel cruel generation we live in today. Teenagers are probably so bottled up because they don't want anyone to think that what they have to say is worthless!
Nothing you have to say is worthless. Everyone should feel comfortable with what they think and who they are. My favorite thing in the world was the facebook like button phenominon that went on at my school. Basically, facebook allows people to create pages for things, people, and events. If you like something you can press the "like" button and that appears on your friend's homepages'. A few people began liking pages, and eventually the whole school was going around and saying, "I thought I was the only one that thought that." like for example one page was, "I go out of my way to step on a crunchy leaf" I thought I was the only one that did that! But, apparently my whole school does it! Everyone seemed so united in thought and opinion! It made me feel good to know that people had, even if it was just a few weeks, they had a glimpse of the feeling when you aren't alone.
Anyway, back to the point, yesterday a very good friend of mine said she reads my blog. At first I was so nervous, did she think it was stupid, was she telling everyone? But, then she said she loved it and that she had one too. I was reminded that underneath our angsty, teenage shells, we are all united. No matter what tounge we speak, as Dumbldore once put it, "our hearts beat as one."

well, I am finally home from Vacation! Too tired to post anything too interesting will post soon!

Facebook.
Myspace.
Twitter.
Blogspot.
YouTube.
Dailybooth.

The list goes on and on. The list of different social networking websites. Where you can post, pictures, videos, your thoughts and ideas, and just little updates on your life. There are goods, and bads about these different things. Some are more dangerous and unsafe than others. But, none the less I am starting to realize, how important they are.
The internet is forever right? So, the pictures we post, things we say, and do, are there forever. When growing up, a lot of the time, we lose ourselves along the way, trying to fit in, and be something, or fit the mold of what a teenager is made out to be. We fall into "relationships", start wearing make up, and hit that oh-so-joyus stage called puberty..wahoo?
Getting back on topic! Today, I decided to go through my facebook and delete some of my old pictures, to make room for the new. I was looking at even just my "Summer 2009" album, and realized, how much I've changed and grown in even just one year. I looked at the pictures and, yes I did delete them but, not all of them, I kept some of my old pictures, and composed a "growing up" file. I looked at them all, as a small reminder that I've grown and changed, and ocassionally lost my way but, that I understand that we can never forget who we are. We can never let the media, televison, and pressures from today's teenage world own our souls. "We are never truely lost until we can't find our way home" a quote that has permently marked my 41 year old mother's back forever. She just got it a little over a year ago, and I asked her what her quote ment, seeing as I was very confused about it. She said, "On the road of life, it doesn't matter how many twists and turns you choose to take, the only way you can get lost, is if you turn around and can't see the way back home.". That was the best advice anyone had ever given me. It helps me stay grounded, and under control because, I never ever want to turn around and not be able to find my way home. My second question for my mom was, "Well, what do you do when you turn around and can't get home?" She answered this one with a laugh, "There are always people with road maps, but, it's your choice to let them give you directions.". Then, today I stumbled upon an old box, well I should say box(es) of pictures from my childhood. I came across one of my great-grandmother, I called her Meme. All of the sudden, I started crying. Just out of the blue, tears came, I saw one of my grammop, (My grandmother on my dad's side) and cried even harder. I didn't understand! I don't even remember my grammop, and my Meme? Well, it had been almost three years since I've seen her. So, why was I crying?
Well, it was because, in both of the pictures,I saw women who were a part of me, my family, and my childhood. I believe when people die, people who were truely close to you, you lose a part of yourself. Your soul, feels the pain of knowing, it sees a part of itself in a picture, and wants it to come back. I think that's why pictures are so important to me, because, in some cases, pictures are all I have.

Early Thanksgiving yo.

So, yesterday I literally had to clean my room from my dresser to my bookshelf and everything in between. I found just around 10 journals documenting my life from the 4th grade to now, my summer going into 8th grade. I have to say, I am really glad I did that. I read all of them and it reminds me about how fast life moves sometimes. How much we forget, and the things that make up my life. So much of who I am, is composed in stories of late night summer baseball, early morning golf on vacation, freezing ice storms, mother's day brunch at the club, shopping with my brother's girlfriend. It reminds me of how truly privilaged I have been growing up. The opportunites I have been exposed to, are things other people have not, and I am so greatful for it. So, today, anyone who reads this, please be thankful for everything you have. That's my message for today.

Prego Pasta Sause?

I was thinking about being pregnant as a teenager today. Shows like GLEE, 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, and the Secret Life of the American Teenager. All they do is make it look like it's okay to have a baby in today's world. Society is influnced by this sudden obsession with having every teenage drama star a pregnant teen! It's a little disturbing, if you ask me, that getting knocked up at 17 is normal.

Opinions?

Home sweet home!

Haha! It's good to be back to the old keyboard. I have actually been traveling like crazy and haven't had a chance to catch up on here! I just got home from almost three weeks in Long Beach Island/Sea Isle/Wildwood vacation! There was no internet in LBI so I couldn't do any typing! I forgot to bring my computer to Sea Isle which, would make it literally impossible to update! Haha! In wildwood I was just so busy! So, I am finally home and let me tell you how good it feels to not be living out of a suitcase anymore! I missed my family terribly and it was such a relief to hug my mom and just know that I can be at home again. I actually am leaving in about two weeks to go to Florida and visit HARRYPOTTERWORLD! I am so stoked for this I can't even begin to tell you! Haha, I feel so lame. (: well, I have to go clean up my room but, I will update as soon as I can! Chow for now!

longg time!

haha, so it's been a few days since I last blogged! Let me get you updated, I came home from Cape Cod, and now tomorrow I leave to go to LBI with a different friend of mine haha so busy! I'll try and keep you updated on my daily experiences, haha(: It's going to be a little tricky, just because I'll be moving around a lot and while I'm vacationing, the places I'm going to know, there's more to do, so I'll be spending less time here, and more time out there! Alright, well, I have to go to bed it's SUPER late haha, I'll chat soon! bye!

Stains.

I hate stains. So much.

The other night I was sleeping and I got a very bad bloody nose, but, I didn't realize it until about three minutes into it.

I got blood stains on my friends mother's brand new sheets. So I quickly googled how to remove blood stains, and it says spit. Well, it works quite well, I will tell you that. But, I have been spitting for three days straight and it still isn't off /: I don't know what to do! I don't have the guts to tell my friend or her mom, and I feel so terrible.

Well, that's all I have for today, I just needed to vent myself. Talk to you tomorrow!

Bye!

I, for the first time, experienced Provincetown, Cape Cod, Mass. What a sight. Rainbows lined the streets and it was just, wow. I was so amazed, I had to step back and look. Here, no matter what you were, who you were, where you were from, you were accpeted, and judged with a gentle eye. It amazed me. I felt like I could have run out into the packed streets screamed, "I AM NOT A WOMAN." and been applauded. It was such an experience, no one was afraid to do anything! There were shirtless men in skirts, a man dressed as a woman, and so much more. I was awestruck.

Needless to say, I plan on moving to Provincetown and raising a family there(;
JUST KIDDING

haha but anyway, see my point is, is that why isn't the rest of the world like that? Everyone here is friendly and has a good attitude, and really doesn't give a shit. I wish that this was regular to everyone in the world because, it teaches us, that no matter what, you are who you are and you need to accept it.

Trust me, people here accept it.

Well, sadly I don't have any music for today or a quote (I'm just not in the mood hah)

Happy fourth of July America!
beach today possibly! (:

bye!

Sprained Ankle :/

It's a little too early for me to be philisophical so today's a little lighter. Yesterday I went to one of the nicest beaches on Cape Cod. It's sand was soft, the waves were gentle and it was perfect. Just one simple problem. I sprained my ankle. Yes, you read this correctly, SPRAINED MY ANKLE. So here's how, Laura and I decided it would be a good idea to play soccer, since I didn't pack any running shoes on this trip, I played barefoot, she didn't. Laura ran at me, and kicked me square in the ankle, hard.

Guess who fell first? It wasn't me.

Laura's toe swelled up to the size of a sausage and she couldn't walk. My ankle was miserably twisted and hurt so bad to put any weight on it, I crawled. We were just a band o' crippled kids. And then, after an hour of limping around the next day, we got up and went to the beach. I'll tell you, my ankle, is perfect today. I don't know what it is but, the beach healed it.

I think that the beach heals physically and mentally. There are beaches on this earth because, people needed an escape somewhere to go when things got to hard, somewhere where no idea was shut down, or thought impossible, everything is possible at the beach. The skies yesterday were a Crayola color blue, not a cloud in the sky. It was perfect.

Fourth of July tomorrow! Hope your barbequing it up!

Music
"Jane Doe"
Nevershoutnever!

Quote
"why I believed in six impossible things before breakfast!"
-Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass

Roses.

What's with 'em?

You literally have to jam your nose in them to smell even the slightest thing. There are thorns running all over them, and it's just red. Nothing else, just a red flower.

But, maybe that's just it. It's simple, elegant, and classic. Not a whole lot of show, just simple, simple and perfect. Is that why they are so romantic, and classy? Just because, their simple. If everything in the world was simple, with not a whole lot of this and that, would it all be classy? Would we all be classic, elegant, and appealing just because we were simple. Hm, I don't quite know. In the word's of a great woman, very near to my heart, no not my mother, "The best way to make fish good, is to make sure you don't ruin the taste. Keep it simple, grab some lemon and go." That ties back into the rose! Both of these things, roses and fish, are simple, and preferred that way.

Is everything preferred simple? Input?

Music
"Come Away" Nini Camps

Quote
"Live, Love, Laugh"

went to the beach yesterday, it was perfect! Except some girls took our usual spot, so we just sat right down next to 'em and made as much noise (and sand) as possible. :D

Some heavy thinking

"Forgive and Forget"

Do we ever really forget what we forgive? Is it truly possible to let go of the things that leave scars on us?

Nope. Not me. I remember everything. I hold grudges. I commonly use the phrase, "I told you so." I'm not going to deny it. I can be a bitch. haha. But, things that happen that hurt us, is it really dafe to let go? Think about it, if we had just forgiven and forgotten the holocaust then, who's to say it wouldn't of happened again? If the world had just let the 9/11 guys off with a warning, where would we be now? My point is is that, things that happen, no matter what it is, we never forget them. We may jam them into very far corners of our brains but, no we never forget. So, with that said, I guess, I can't ever use that quote for anything..haha. Uhm, let's see. Has anything ever happened to you in your life that you wish you could forget? I know for me there's just about x123456789 things I wish I could forget. But, at the same time, everything that happens to you, only makes you who you are, and you should be thankful for all of the things that have happened to you, good and bad, because, it makes you who you are. Uhm,so today I went food shopping for the second time haha, we got all of the foods you need to survive: chicken, cookies, milk, ham, lobster rolls, and apples to apple the card game. haha, tomorrow Laura's dad is out on business and we won't have a car but, I think we will be just fine..(: hahaha, I'm currently almost done my 34th poem in my new journal.(: woohoo! It's coming along! haha, well I hope you guys are having fun wherever you are! Hope my thinking makes you think!

music
"they weren't there" - Missy Higgins

quote
"Remember, to always keep your priorities straight, even when I'm gone remember. If you don't have your priorities striaght, well, then there's no point in living." - quote from my best friend Orlando, who in two days, is moving to Brasil.

Orlando, I hope that your adventures aren't few and far between. I pray you have the time of your life, and that Brasil is as much of a party as you say it is. I will miss you so much, you were always there for me, and always there for me. I cannot ever repay you for not just being a listener, but an advice giver, a best friend, someone who held me up when I fell, and a strong person. I love you so much, bye Mex. <3 I'm sad I'm not around to say goodbye.

Thoughts on: Animals and thinking

Okay, so I've been thinking..does it ever cross anyone's mind when playing with a pet what your pet's thinking? Like, Laura and I were just playing with her dog Lola, and I always wonder, when we make the dog jump, is it entertainment or determination? Is it work or play? Wanting the ball that's on the other side of the jump, is that good? What if we were animals for a day, and the animals were us, would it be all smiles or revenge? Would they taunt us with food? Hmm...let's just be thankful in a way, that animals thoughts are for their minds only. Those lucky animals, they can understand us but, we fail to understand them. (;

songs/artists for today

Jack Johnson ( <3>

"Taylor" <>

Joe Purdy

"Wash Away (Reprise)" <>

to the beach! haha, let's pray there's no fog or rain, but, I think we will be just finee.(:

quote - " never did she lisp it and 'twas it not for me she was mute from transport, and I from agony!" - Emily Dickinson Morns like These We Parted

Summer 2010- reflection, rambling, and suchh.

So basically, my life has been an effin whirl wind lately.

Boy drama + finals + missing assignments + trying to get published = not so good. I have been dealing with a lot lately, and I have a question for you guys. Do you have any drama going on right now? I know I do, well, I'm dealing with the aftermath. Sometimes it's hard to think I'm only thirteen, because, I just don't think or act like anyone else. Nothing I do seems to go right, and I always overreact to EVERYTHING. But, I can't help it, it's who I am. School finished on Friday, so I am done with it all for a while. I look back on this past year, and see how much I have changed. It's a little ridiculous to think about it, and to think about the things I have experienced, and what I have taken away from it. I entered a new school, not knowing that the pressure level really does hit an all time high. I am also proud to say I never put one cigarette, or alcohol to my mouth. No pot either ha ha. I have also learned, that nothing here matters now. The people I meet now, are only characters' in a chapter of my life, they don't affect who I marry, where I go to school, or if I am successful. I think that was what I have taken away, and it helps me deal with the after shock of a boy drama earthquake, if you will. I have definitely changed and think in the end, it is all for the better. Well, I have Bible Camp conciling tomorrow bright and early, 8:3o a.m, third graders here I come! I have to go shower and then sleep! Hope you enjoyed a meaningful post from my eyes.

First blog

Hello, welcome to my blog. This is my blog of observation and notice. Where I am going to blow off steam or where I might share a secret or two... I will share music, fashion, and current news for everyone to enjoy so I hope you follow my blogspot. To describe myself in a nutshell, I am a teenager and I think the younger you are the harder it is to express your own ideas. I refuse to let that take me. I will have a voice in the world.

Just because you can't vote or drive doesn't mean you can't think.

I won't be held back.

I won't let "the man" beat me.

I also write poetry so enjoy that! If this isn't your thing and you get bored you don't have to read but I know that as long as something goes on the internet it stays on the internet, so my ideas will be on for the world to see. Forever. I like that.

hope someone out there is having good weather. Right now it is so super nice and sunny but it just so happens to be like 34 degrees...not shorts weather yet!

I hope it will be!

Well wherever you are...speak up and you will be heard.

{Kathryn K}

"Our fingerprints never fade from the lives we touch"